:(

Sometimes i just want to start over...
you know, i tried to end it.
to take 20 too many, and just never wake up?
NO ONE NOTICED.
no one said a thing.
this is me, and what i deal with.
and now?
i dont want to be pushed around anymore.
it hurts, and i HATE it.
the way she laughs at me when i fall,
or how they notice everything i do wrong.
IT HURTS, but does anyone see?
no.
 of course not
its not like im worth it.
trust me.
ive been told too many times,
not to be sure.
im not good enough,
and thats just life. 

why is it that i never saw him,
before when he was free.
but now he has a girl,
it HURTS.

to know i'm ALIVE

is is bad?
i can feel it,
as i am typing this.
it burns,
but i guess it should.
that what it does,
right?
i looks weird,
the raw skin.
red,
and bloody.
they say that the meds should help.
but really?
its like i'm just floating around.
not happy,
but not sad.
I bleed,
to know i'm ALIVE.
not for help,
or attention.
I bleed,
for ME

behind my smile, is a hurting heart.
behind my laugh, I'm falling apart.
look closley at me, and you will see.
the girl you see, isn't me.

i wish i could start over,
become someone new.
show people who i am now,
not who i was then.
they would only see me,
not my scars.

i'll never know

maybe it's because i'm not tall enough
maybe it's because i'm not pretty enough
maybe it's because i trust too easily
maybe it's because i talk too much
but i'll never know why
will i.

need

everytime i see something sharp,
i need to.
even at school,
when i see HIM.
its like i can't breathe,
and i need the release.
i need to numb the emotions,
with pain.